by Jolijt T '11

If You Tinkle and Sprinkle

This issue has been addressed many times. Yet when I visit the bathroom, desperate to empty my bladder and get to the next class, I still find myself dodging in and out of the various stalls. I’ll look into the toilet bowl, glancing quickly, careful not to see too much. I’ve got to look because going while the toilet bowl is filled with a classmate’s pee (or more), as much as I love all of you, is extremely unappealing. In fact, a few days ago I walked out of the first floor bathroom in disgust at the treats I found in all three stalls and had to wait for 30 minutes until I got to the nearest Barnes and Noble.
You didn’t flush! Yes, all three of you bathroom vandals should feel horribly guilty. And not just about almost killing me through overstressed bladder. You should feel guilty about leaving the scene of the crime, sticking your peers with your mess. Do you not hug us every day in the hallway? To then turn around and refuse to flush is the ultimate treachery.
I tried. I really did. Figuring I could get back at you, I went and didn’t flush. I was washing my hands and looked at my reflection. The person I saw, staring back, was not the girl that had entered the bathroom earlier. No, this new girl was a “no flusher” and had sunk to your level. I couldn’t live with that and quickly ran back to flush.
You sit there, reading The BACC Rag. Are you at peace with what you did? You should be red with shame, and your advisory should be desperatly trying to figure out whats wrong. Don’t tell them, they’ll hate you too.
Instead, ask to go to the ladies room. Practice. It’s quite easy to do, once you’ve got the hang of it. Step One: do the deed. Step Two: wipe. Step Three: reach around and push down the handle, hold until your present has fully disapeared (I’d like to believe only half of BSGE is evil, the other half just doesn’t understand that it hasn’t flushed fully).
See any sprinkles of your tinkle? Wipe please!
If it’s your time of the month, please throw your pad into the grabage, instead of on the floor (the adhesive is not added so that you can stick it on the wall) and close the can lid so that our menstral cycles wont be reminded of their presence.
Washing your hands is highly suggested, but hey to each her on. As long as you don’t use the sink as your personal collect-hairs-that-fell-out-when-I-brushed bin. Or a let-me-spit-out-my-gum-because-the-three-feet-to-the-garbage-is-to-far bin.
Then look in themirror, smooth your hair with a dab of water, think, “wow, I look good and I flushed!” and be proud because you no longer belong to the devil childeren that plague our bathrooms.


Leave a Reply

Fill in your details below or click an icon to log in: Logo

You are commenting using your account. Log Out /  Change )

Twitter picture

You are commenting using your Twitter account. Log Out /  Change )

Facebook photo

You are commenting using your Facebook account. Log Out /  Change )

Connecting to %s